About him, like always #galauih

Hai kamu J

Kamu, kenapa selalu kamu, ya, yang ngebuat aku panas dingin? Ngebuat aku deg-degan? Ngebuat aku tertawa dan menangis disaat yang bersamaan? Ngebuat aku mencintai dan membenci di waktu yang sama? Ngebuat aku terbang dan jatuh dalam kurun waktu yang sama? Yang yang yang… dan segala yang…

Alangkah lucunya…

Bahkan kamu nggak ngebaca tulisan ini. Tapi tetap aku menulis objek yang sama. Nama yang sama. Orang yang sama. Yang hatinya (mungkin) masih sama… Hei, ternyata apa yang Ken Terate, seorang penulis, bilang "Nggak perlu pintar untuk bisa menulis. Cukup dengan jatuh cinta saja." Itu benar adanya. J sayangnya objek yang ditulis itu, apakah merasa hal yang sama? :p

Huff, andai ada sedikiiit aja keberanian untuk berkata, "Hei! Baca hatiku! Lihat apa yang tertulis! Raba rasaku! Mengerti apa yang terjadi!"

Tapi boro-boro bilang gitu. Buat berbicara, bahkan menyebut namamu aja, lidahku kelu :p

Rasa apa, ini? Ketika seluruh keberanian untuk berterus terang menguap, sekaligus ketidaksabaran untuk berbicara, terus mendesak. Ketika semua ucapan tertelan, sekaligus adanya penyesalan yang tersirat. Ketika keinginan untuk memeluk semakin membeludak, sekaligus terlihat ketakutan yang masuk akal.

Hei, kamu, yang bahkan tidak membaca tulisan ini. Bisakah memberi aku satu petunjuk? Petunjuk untuk berjalan menuju hatimu, berbicara, dan menguapkan seluruh ketakutan untuk merasa. Merasa kamu. J

My ahmazhing buzzday :)

Heeeii Kachie my honeeey :DThis is posting about my 19^th birthday in 15^th of July. Not too expired, isn't it? :D Anyway, I got two surprises from my bestfriend. Um… actually one surprise, because the other one is a surprised I asked for. :D

Before I continue this posting, I have to explain first. Actually, I was born on 14^th of July at 06.00 PM. Javanese people said if we were born after sunset, it will be calculated in the day after. Morover, my Daddy's birthday In 15^th of July. So my birthday becoming the same with my daddy. Yeah. It is a little forced, isn't it? :p

This is the people who say happy birthday *not including who say in facebook* :

1. Intan. Nobody feel unrivaled, because Intan saying it on 14^th of July. J
2. Mams Ayu, @23.52
3. Panda @00.10
4. Maria, @00.20
5. Sherly Luthfiana @01.05
   
6. Mams Susi @01.29
7. Manda @02.09
8. Kewet @05.13
9. My Mother about @05.30 PM, live
   
10. Inez @05.47
11. Mbak Titik @06.07
12. Chairmate and Kewel @06.08
13. Citta @06.52
    
14. Hima @07.12
15. Jefry, @07.12
16. Dian Husna @07.35
17. My father, @about 08.00, so do I, live
18. Mas Yudil @08.13
19. Mas Dila @08.33
20. Ina @10.14
21. Daddy Aland @11.08
    
22. Mbak Ayu @11.47
23. My sister, @11.53 , calling me
24. Mams Nda @12.03
25. Piglet Aunty @12.05
26. Mbak Zunik @12.07
27. Prasna @00.06 ups… @12.28 :D
28. Lala @13.51
29. Nuyy @15.17
30. Dek Putri @16.32
    
31. Cubhhsky @19.19
    
32. Hanafi @19.54
33. Dian Ayu Pamungkas @20.24
34. Bibi Niken, @21.13
35. Jagoan Neon @21.15
36. Eros @21.53
37. Anitnud @16 July, 20.03

and I be thankful because no more than 37 persons because it is so tired typing that persons above. :p

p.s : my ex besti and my ex boyfriend said happy birthday to me. Although I was happy they still care with me, but don't they dare to think I've forgave them. J

Do you see something odd? No? ok, I'll explain. There are no text from my bestfriends, Maretha, Sheer, and Nuy texting me @15.17!! hey, they were one of my closest besties!

I should've been curious since last night, because they usually become one of the first person who say happy birthday.

But I didn't notice that. I was dizzy because hard too sleep *insomniers* and I didn't think anything about them. And, about 08.00 PM, I

woke up because my room's light turned on and I heard Nuy voice and I feel a hand patted my ass and said, "Hana wake up! I bought your Jelek here!"

Heard that, I woke up immediately and saw…

Maretha Ayu Saraswati, Sherly Ayu Wardani and Agmarina Laila Nurullitasari in front of my bed and brought two little birthday cakes with a 1 and 9 candles in the cakes.

And here the photos that have been taken. Sherly took the pictures for us, because didn't wanna to be photographed. How unfair, she is, isn't it? :D

gift i've received :)

About @09.30 PM Nuy had to go. She had to attending an even at her campus. So did Retha. But Sherly stayed. I took a bath while Sherly read the magazines in my bedroom.

@10.00 Mum Susi and Mum Ayu came to my house which is already expected, because I asked for a 'surprise' from them. They brought a very funny pretty gift to me, a monkey doll, and I'd named it Onyek. J

We chatted in my rooms till 12.00 PM, then when Nuy came to my house again, we picked Retha and Maria up, after that, we went to Stove Syndicate, a coffe shop in Tembalang, and we stayed there about 3 hours. A amazing 3 hours to me, surrounded by the loves ones. :D

p.s : there was no pictures because we were too busy lazy to took the pictures from us. We prefer enjoyed our food. J

After that, I drove home for Retha, then I went home, prepared for a dinner with my family @Gama Candi Resto. :D

We had amazing dinner. I'm too busy lazy to took the pictures in Gama. :D

Maybe there were no big or luxurious party to me. No luxurious gift or something. But I'm so happy because I surrounded by lovely ones. :D thanks a lot for making me happy J

Belum memaafkan

Muak.

Iya, bukannya iri atau gimana, tapi demi, deh yaa aku nggak belum bisa maafin kamu dan semua yang terjadi diantara kita.

Nggak, emang bukan salah kamu sepenuhnya. Tapi disini kamu yang memegang peranan hingga ngebuat semua jadi nggak terkendali.

Dan sekarang, kamu pikir apakah seakan nggak terjadi apa2?

Ish, ish ish. Ngimpi, mbakyu, ngimpi!! :D

Dan kamu pikir, setelah ngucapin selamat ulang tahun buat aku, dan berkata sok wise dengan berharap semua akan menjadi lebih baik nantinya, itu menghapus semua guilty kamu, mbakyu?? Oh yayaya… memang kan in your mind.

Apa deep down inside, kamu ngerasa kehilangan akyuuh? :D hahaha, sudah sepantasnya kalo gitu. So do i. aku juga kangen kok sama kamu. Banget, malah. Tapi, itu nggak merubah keadaan hati yang pernah remuk, kan??

seperti yang sudah aku bilang, dan aku konsisten sama kata2ku, never be the same. Kelakuanmu unforgiven. Maaf. :D

Moving on!!!

ahaha. harusnya aku ikut nganter adek nih ke dokter mantri. tapi apaboleh buat, aku pusing dan tugas menumpuk. jadi sekalian searching2 gajelas, aku nulis2 gajelas juga kali yaaa :)

ehem, i ever talked that i have no feeling with my jelek anymore!! ok ok, i'm lying. karena pada kenyataannya sekarang adalah... kesesekan itu masih ada. moving on... moving on... moving on... ya hal itu terus saya usahakan untuk lakukan. sesek, memang, sesek, tapi kalo ga moving on ya gak maju2

sungguh, saya nggak menyalahkan siapapun atas kesesekan saya ini. karena ini 100 % salah saya. saya yang bodoh. saya yang polos. dan saya yang terlalu 'cah cinta'. hahaha. padahal kalo dipikir2, kenapa, sih, saya sesek? kenapa, sih, saya masih saja berkutat pada orang yang sama sampai dua tahun? kenapa, sih, saya nggak bisa move on sampe sekarang??

apakah ini gara2 kesombongan saya yang selalu berkata,"aku nggak pernah, tuh, jatuh cinta sejatuh2nya."

atau "aku kalo jatuh cinta logis, tuh."

well, fuck*ing it, deh. karma, mungkin. saya. jatuh. cinta.

sejatuh-jatuhnya.

sayangnya, sama orang yang sama sekali tidak. jatuh. cinta. sama. saya. sama. sekali.

hahaha. sedih, yaaaa??

zzzzz

kenapa sih kenapa saya seperti ini?

padahal, aku nggak pernah tau apapun soal dia. aku hanya tau orangnya, namanya dan sedikit kepribadian yang ia tunjukkan selama setahun kita temenan.

aku nggak pernah tau apa-apa lagi.

dia juga nggak tau apa-apa soal aku.

ya ampun... soooooo... embarassing!! :(

ya ampun, aku mau apalagi, sih, sebenernyaa?? :o

hem... aku pernah bilang sama temenku meta, saat dia sepertiku, "jawabannya terpampang di depanmu."

dan sekarang, aku harus konsisten ama kata-kataku. jawabannya terpampang di depanku. terang2an ada di depanku.

moving on.

hal yang terus dan terus saya usahakan untuk lakukan.

lelah, ternyata, mencintai bayangan.

lelah, ternyata, bertepuk sebelah tangan.

lelah, ternyata, memegang angin #alfa, fairish, esti kinasih.

lelah, ternyata, mengecat langit malam menjadi warna pink.

lelah, ternyata, menunggu semangka berdaun sirih.

saya yang mau lelah, memang.

dan sekarang, saya mau istirahat,

membuka lembaran baru. dengan orang baru. dengan kisah baru. dan dengan saya yang baru yang tentu bukan cah cinta lagi.

moving on.

hal yang terus dan terus saya usahakan untuk lakukan.

#howe, ternyata SUSAH BANGET ya. :( haha. gapapa, i'll try. hard. to. do. that. :)

aaah, jadi inget kata2 my lil sist, Hima, "jujur, ya, aku BOSEEEEN banget denger mbak hana cerita kayak gini. kapan aku dapet cerita, kamu lagi seneng, atau udah berhasil lepas dari jelek?paling enggak sekali-sekali kasih aku cerita yang bagus lah, jangan bete2an kayak gini.sedih, tauk, klo mbak hana kaya gini terus. kalo aku udah ga sabar, n muak, mungkin aku bisa marah sama mbak hana lho, lhais.:p"

dan kata-kata itu jadi motivasiku buat moving on,

hal yang terus dan saya usahakan untuk lakukan. :)

Akumulasi dari kebetean sama seseorang beberapa waktu ini

Kapan terakhir kali kita ketemu? belum lama, memang. bisa dihitung dengan hitungan jam. tapi kapan pertemuan kita bisa seperti dulu? yang hangat. yang menyenangkan. tanpa ada rasa-rasa sesak yang mengganjal.

kapan terakhir kali smsan?aw aw.. baru saja memang. tapi kapan kita bisa smsan seperti dulu? yang bisa panjang bisa pendek, namun gak bikin hati panas??

kapan terakhir kali kita telpon2an?? hemm.. cukup lama. dan percakapannya sangat tidak menyenangkan. kapan lagi kita akan bercerita dan sharing, telepon sampe berjam-jam seperti dulu?

dan ya.

itu semua saya. dan saya. dan saya, yang lagi-lagi dan terus-terusan memulai.

yes, i do miss you, i do love you, but I DO TIRED. :)

hidup berjalan. manusia berubah, berjalan pula mengikuti hidup itu. :)

mungkin, kita masih orang yang sama, tapi nggak lagi sama.

tidak pernah lagi sama. :)

Confused agaaaaiiinnn zzzzzzzzz

Hai kachie honeeeyyy!! Mommy love you sooo :*

Now, mommy will share my suckky life to you kachie :p

Emm.. I don't know how to start. Okaaaayy… first, I wanna tell you bout my problem with my (best?)friend. She and I are bestfriend since junior high school. She might be my greatest (best?)friend I ever had. Maybe I have a very high expectation with her, so, when she makes me disappointed, I really hurt. The problem isn't hard as many people thought. I just want this : because I really make her in 1^st rank, so SHE
HAVE TO DO THE SAME TO ME. But the fact is so different with what I have in my mind. Because she did it to me so many times, so my anger is bigger bigger and bigger, being accumulated and… BUUZZZ… being time bomb to me and her. Poor me, she never never never never realize what her mistakes or wanna repair our condition. OKAY FINE. If she doesn't need me, so do i. I will not need her ANYMORE. Ups, repeat. ANYMORE. Okay I repeat it slowly A-N-Y-M-O-R-E!!! she really make me disappointed and it is hard for me to forgive her easily. Just watch your back, dear. Trust me, there will be revenge. And the revenge is hurter than you've done to me. J (hooo, why am I being scary sumtimes? :p)

Second, there are many event that make me feel… what is mencelos in English, ya?? Yeah, I feel mencelos feeling. First even is when I have two new servant. Both of them come from Demak. And I know, they are very poor. To earn a little bit money, they work in my house as servants. So terrible. L they are very stupid and loony. They can't cooking, they work slowly, but the things I love from them is, they are very mannerly persons and diligent worker!! Because of their loony characteristic and they can't cooking, my Mom fire her. Oh my… my heart feel mencelos when heard that news! First time I was crying for SERVANTS! T..T I can't explain anymore what happened, because I still feel mencelos when remember them. And now, I have new servants and they come from my Grandpa's village. Characteristic of people in there are impolite, mooch money and bad attitude. And… IT HAPPENEND FINALLY!! One hour after they come in my home, one of my servant ask my sist,"there's no TV in upstair, rite?" my sist answer,"yes. Ofcourse. Who will see it?" and you know what her answer?? "US. We can see the TV in upstair." My sister humming,"WTF." And yesterday, my sister's expensive soap fall to bathup and make the bathup full of white water, not transparent anymore. My sister ask one of them,"who's person that make my soap fall to bathup?" and she (the same person who ask TV first day she comes!) said," sorry, I don't know. But it was your mistake. You bring the soap very close to bathup so it is so natural if the soap fall." My sister said (humming of course!) "Wth, wtf,, yaadoab…."zzzzzz

Third, I feel sad because my lovely brother, hendrik megantara prayogi, is broken heart. It because the k*k* the b*tch. Oohh deaaaaar, get well soon, dear. Worry not, time heals. People who loved you are around you! Be calm, boy. I love you so much. :* promise me you'll be ok, rite??

Hha kachie, I'm sorry I can't write somethings that very useful in our life. Hhaha, but I always try to write. J

p.s : I miss my jelek. When I say I have no feeling to him, I am LYING. Haha, poor me, have an unrequited love!! :p hope Allah give me better J

salam OENYOEOENYOE, love

MUMMY :p

Confused agaaaaiiinnn zzzzzzzzz

Hai kachie honeeeyyy!! Mommy love you sooo :*

Now, mommy will share my suckky life to you kachie :p

Emm.. I don't know how to start. Okaaaayy… first, I wanna tell you bout my problem with my (best?)friend. She and I are bestfriend since junior high school. She might be my greatest (best?)friend I ever had. Maybe I have a very high expectation with her, so, when she makes me disappointed, I really hurt. The problem isn't hard as many people thought. I just want this : because I really make her in 1^st rank, so SHE
HAVE TO DO THE SAME TO ME. But the fact is so different with what I have in my mind. Because she did it to me so many times, so my anger is bigger bigger and bigger, being accumulated and… BUUZZZ… being time bomb to me and her. Poor me, she never never never never realize what her mistakes or wanna repair our condition. OKAY FINE. If she doesn't need me, so do i. I will not need her ANYMORE. Ups, repeat. ANYMORE. Okay I repeat it slowly A-N-Y-M-O-R-E!!! she really make me disappointed and it is hard for me to forgive her easily. Just watch your back, dear. Trust me, there will be revenge. And the revenge is hurter than you've done to me. J (hooo, why am I being scary sumtimes? :p)

 

Second, there are many event that make me feel… what is mencelos in English, ya?? Yeah, I feel mencelos feeling. First even is when I have two new servant. Both of them come from Demak. And I know, they are very poor. To earn a little bit money, they work in my house as servants. So terrible. L they are very stupid and loony. They can't cooking, they work slowly, but the things I love from them is, they are very mannerly persons and diligent worker!! Because of their loony characteristic and they can't cooking, my Mom fire her. Oh my… my heart feel mencelos when heard that news! First time I was crying for SERVANTS! T..T I can't explain anymore what happened, because I still feel mencelos when remember them. And now, I have new servants and they come from my Grandpa's village. Characteristic of people in there are impolite, mooch money and bad attitude. And… IT HAPPENEND FINALLY!! One hour after they come in my home, one of my servant ask my sist,"there's no TV in upstair, rite?" my sist answer,"yes. Ofcourse. Who will see it?" and you know what her answer?? "US. We can see the TV in upstair." My sister humming,"WTF." And yesterday, my sister's expensive soap fall to bathup and make the bathup full of white water, not transparent anymore. My sister ask one of them,"who's person that make my soap fall to bathup?" and she (the same person who ask TV first day she comes!) said," sorry, I don't know. But it was your mistake. You bring the soap very close to bathup so it is so natural if the soap fall." My sister said (humming of course!) "Wth, wtf,, yaadoab…."zzzzzz

 

Third, I feel sad because my lovely brother, hendrik megantara prayogi, is broken heart. It because the k*k* the b*tch. Oohh deaaaaar, get well soon, dear. Worry not, time heals. People who loved you are around you! Be calm, boy. I love you so much. :* promise me you'll be ok, rite??

 

Hha kachie, I'm sorry I can't write somethings that very useful in our life. Hhaha, but I always try to write. J

 

p.s : I miss my jelek. When I say I have no feeling to him, I am LYING. Haha, poor me, have an unrequited love!! :p hope Allah give me better J

 

salam OENYOEOENYOE, love

 

MUMMY :p